Just a few years ago, almost every job ad from an SME contained the magic phrase: “we offer a family atmosphere”. It was meant to evoke warmth, security and closeness. Today, younger generations increasingly read such a description and add ironically: “so I take it you mean family dysfunction?”.
Sounds harsh? Maybe. But not without reason. The myth of “the company as a family” is coming apart at the seams – and that’s a good thing. Because more mature organisations know they don’t need to pretend to be a family to create a space based on mutual respect, transparency and responsibility.
While writing this article I did a little research to see whether such job ads can still be found. It turns out there are quite a lot of them – both job ads and website descriptions about a family atmosphere.
Here are a few examples:
“A family atmosphere – practically everyone knows each other”,
“Relationships at …. are warm and friendly, shaped by the company’s family values”,
“What sets us apart is a friendly, family atmosphere that gives room for professional and personal development while maintaining work-life balance”,
“a family company with over a hundred years of history”,
“We are a family company, which is why looking after this family atmosphere every day is so important to us”,
they emphasise “work in a family, pleasant atmosphere”,
“We are a family company. Atmosphere and teamwork are the aspects we value most”,
“We guarantee a family atmosphere and provide opportunities for professional development”,
“……. is a very good place to work. The work is creative, but there are also repetitive elements. It is a good place to gain experience. A workplace with a family atmosphere”,
“The company is family-run – a family atmosphere built on tradition for years”.
How does that sound to you? Is this really what employees need, especially from the younger generation?
Does it go hand in hand with mature relationships and management?
Or is it a skeleton key for “accepting” the unconstructive aspects of “family-ness” at work?
Or perhaps it is a manifestation of the needs of company owners who are building themselves an “extended family”?
We look at these questions in this article and in others in this newsletter.
Where did this metaphor come from?
The narrative of the company as a family has its roots in the 1980s and 1990s, especially in small, fast-growing businesses. Where structures were flat and the team numbered a dozen or so people, it was easy to nurture relationships based on closeness. In such conditions people could “know each other inside out”, celebrate shared successes and create the illusion that we are all in this together, for better or worse.
The problem arose when this metaphor started being used on a mass scale, including by corporations and organisations with high turnover. The family as a cultural message stopped being an invitation to closeness and became… often a cover for a lack of professionalism, unclear boundaries and expectations of excessive emotional involvement.
Another aspect is when a small family company has grown. New people have joined the team, and relationships are no longer as close and loyal. Yet in the overall narrative, out of habit or the owner’s internal needs and vision, the message of “family” remains.
When a “family atmosphere” does harm
In a family, emotions, conflicts and informality are natural. In a company, they can lead to serious problems:
Blurred roles and responsibilities: “Everyone does everything, just like at home” sounds romantic but often leads to chaos and frustration. In a family we slam doors when things don’t go our way. At work, too, we then allow ourselves to show extreme emotions through behaviour that people outside the family will not tolerate.
No boundaries: When work mixes with private life and the boss asks why you weren’t available in the evening – because, after all, we are like a family. Bosses of “family companies” refuse to accept that for employees this is just a job and that after 4 pm they have their own lives. There is an expectation of being available by phone and email and responding to fires started by the owner.
Loyalty over quality: Instead of evaluating actions, what is evaluated is the attitude towards the “family” – whether you are loyal, whether you complain, whether you “fit in”. Turning a blind eye to poor quality because someone has been with us for 20 years is the surest way to demotivate the rest of the staff.
Difficulty parting ways: Because “you don’t leave your family”. And if you do, it is with a sense of guilt and disappointment. Leaving a job becomes dramatic, almost like a “divorce”. It echoes loudly throughout the company.
As a result, a metaphor that was meant to build security has come to be seen as a trap – especially by Generations Z and Y, who value authenticity, transparency and healthy boundaries.
What instead of a family?
This is not about relationships at work being cold or purely transactional. It is about them being mature and based on clear rules. Instead of saying “we are a family”, it is better to suggest:
A project team
Everyone has their role, responsibility and task. Together we work towards a goal, and then we can part ways – with respect and without drama. Nobody has to build a golden cage for anyone.
A sports team
We train together, support each other, but also compete in a healthy way. The coach (leader) is not a parent – their role is to develop the team, not to protect it at all costs.
An ecosystem
The organisation as a space in which different elements coexist, influence each other and develop together. We don’t have to love each other – it is enough that we respect our place and role.
And what if someone really likes a family atmosphere?
Sure, there are companies where closeness and relationships are important – and they can be authentic. But let it not be an employer-branding strategy, but a conscious choice of organisational culture, consistent with real practices.
Because nothing is more irritating than a company that greets you with “Welcome to the family!” and two months later fires you by email – or because you dared to disagree with the owner, who plays the role of an infallible patriarch with a god complex rather than an effective leader and manager.
And finally….
We are not a family – and that’s good news.
Because it means we can build something more mature, healthier and more lasting: a team with rules. That suits me – how about you?
